Backdoor Billed Yet Again: Are Any Sales Final Anymore?

You know… I think I have enough financial problems.  I have a mortgage that breaks me.  I have student loans that make me regret ever being a student.  I can barely afford the cable/phone/internet I have.

My one vice?  Netflix.  My idea of a night out?  A night in.

I barely get by at all.  In fact, if I have any money left at the end of the month, it’s probably because I forgot to pay something.  So when I got a bill for a blood test I took a month ago, that I was told would already be paid by my health insurance company, I nearly pulled out my own eyeballs.

As you can see, I’ve been billed an additional $12 by LabCorp for a blood test I took in November.   I can’t tell you how frustrating this is.   Let’s start at the beginning.

I get a prescription for a blood test.  On my list of “participating providers” of laboratory-related services is LabCorp.  In fact, they are the only “provider” on my list.  The great thing about having a “provider” is that my health insurance company has a deal with them.  Much like a doctor visit, I am instructed to remit a co-payment on the LabCorp premises ($20), and then my health insurance company will cover the rest. 

You see, that’s the last I am supposed to see of it.  I don’t even get the actual results of the test – my doctor does.  I shouldn’t see anything else besides some sort of receipt I get every time my health insurance company pays for something. 

I’m no fool, though.  I know that sometimes the tests cost more than the insurance company is willing to pay.  That’s why whenever I go for any kind of lab test, whether it be an MRI or a little blood test like this one, I always ask up front, “This is my health insurance company.  Aside from my co-pay, is this test covered completely under my insurance plan?”  Invariably, I get a yes answer.

“Oh, don’t worry about it.  It’s covered.  This is just a blood test,” said the nice phlebotomist/cashier lady as she entered all of my medical and personal information into her computer.  “We do this all the time and there is never any extra payment.  May I have your credit card, please?”

Out comes the credit card, in goes the needle.  Lickety-split, and I forget all about it.  I don’t even ask for a lollipop. 

So a few weeks later, I get this bill.  Twelve dollars.  Why?  Why am I billed yet again?  I pay for health insurance.  I contribute a co-payment.   If there is any extra money left over, it should be dealt with by my health insurance company, much like an auto insurance company would deal with it, and not by me.  I’m not the one negotiating the terms of the exclusive deal they have. 

If LabCorp is the only “provider” for my health insurance company, and I pay for my health insurance and agree to the terms associated with my health insurance (e.g., making a co-payment) then haven’t I done my part in this transaction?  Isn’t it my health insurance company who has failed to pay the bill?

Anyway, that may very well now be a lost cause, but I do always ask providers ahead of time, “Will this cost me any more money than I’m dishing out right now?” 

Well, you know what LabCorp?  Much like any other company, Ill Will and Everything Else Inc. has a strict policy that dictates all negotiations in its business dealings must be dealt with before the actual transaction takes place. 

I know it’s a revolutionary business idea, and it may be a little hard to grasp, but let me take you through a hypothetical scenario:

You’re in my supermarket.  You pick up a pint of Ciao Bella Mango Sorbet.  You take it up to my counter.  You pay me for it.  You take it home and eat it. 

See?  It’s simple.  You pay me for it, then you eat it!  Now, let’s throw a little wrinkle into the scenario:

You’ve eaten your Ciao Bella Mango Sorbet.  Weeks later, I show up at your door.  I say, “Listen to me, you sorbet-chewing, liberal elitist.  You owe me another eleven dollars.  Now give it here or I’ll put it down as a delinquency on your credit report and it will follow you around for the rest of your life.”

What do you do?  Well, under the Ill Will and Everything Else Inc. Business Policy, you will always know what to do.   

You must kick me in the shins and tell me to leave.  If I don’t stop bothering you about the eleven dollars, then you must call the police and press charges against me for harassment. 

I think you’ll agree that this is a sound -- and fair --  business model.  In the spirit of “Best Practices,” please feel free to use it without fear of copyright infringement.

So what is this all about?  It’s about fairness.  LabCorp, you’re not being fair.  If you charged me the correct amount of money before the transaction was made, then I would have paid it.  You didn’t, so you can suck your twelve dollars out of my circumcised phallus… along with my best wishes for the New Year.