Iconoclast v. Hack: Classic Chalkboard Oratory from a Master

I was watching Fox News one night. It wasn’t my fault. I had accidentally fallen off the step-ladder and broke my neck, causing paralysis. The impact of my fall shook my coffee table and inexplicably caused my remote control to switch to Fox News. There I was, immobile, helpless, and being tortured by a psychotic weirdo at a chalkboard.

OK, none of that was true. I’ve never broken my neck. I saw Glenn Beck once. I felt once was enough. I can handle only so much of someone insulting my intelligence. There was something about him that bugged me. I couldn’t figure out what it was. I felt that I had seen this show before.

As a former stand-up comedian, I used to study others’ acts. I wasn’t alone. We were all in competition so we all studied each other. Every now and again, we found someone who was trying to rip off material from another comic, or as in the case of Denis Leary, an entire act (see Bill Hicks). There were quite a few comics in the city who were labeled as thieves. Well, when I saw Glenn Beck that night, my “thief” alert went off.

I couldn’t figure it out. Where did I see this before? I knew that I had seen an entertainer use a chalkboard to illustrate points to a viewing audience before. I know it was some kind of conservative analyst. So I continued to watch…

Can you feel my douche chills?

I would laugh if I didn’t know that millions of people listen and watch him, and that they don’t know how to spell “oligarchy” either. Nonsensical rant after nonsensical rant at the chalkboard…

What? Huh? SEIU? Soros? Huh? Am I missing something?

Then it hit me. My thief alarm is going off because he is not making any sense. When someone steals material, more often than not, he doesn’t understand completely what works about it. He doesn’t make sense because he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. All he knows is that he likes writing things on a chalkboard. Who else used to write on a chalk board? I KNOW WHO! I’VE SEEN CLIPS OF IT!

He used to have a show in New York in the 50’s and 60’s… what’s his name? What is his name? He used to write on a chalkboard too! He actually made sense! He may have been off a tad, but he makes sense! Beck is stealing from THIS GUY! Bishop Fulton Sheen!

You may not agree with him, but Sheen was 40 times the talent that Beck was. If I could, I’d edit these clips together to contrast them without clicking back and forth, but why don’t you try it by clicking on them alternately.

There are so many great clips of Bishop Sheen on YouTube. I don’t agree with him a lot, but at least I found the well of talent from which Glenn Beck has siphoned his entire act. Really, Sheen is fun to watch. He’s like Beck, without the paranoia or douche chills. Well… maybe some of the paranoia… You don’t have to watch it, but you can always enjoy the rest of the Two Wars sermon. I’ve embedded it below.

Anyway, for the record:

  

Iconoclast

Hack